Hi,
I haven't felt like writing for the last month. My brain entered an observing and waiting zone.
I did get to have contact with several wonderful people though. It was a great treat for me to break out of my mostly sequestered routine, if only for short time.
I got to see my brother for a few hours, not nearly enough time to have a proper visit, but I was very happy to see him.
I have a bad habit of thinking that I have totally screwed up visits. After it is over, I go over all the things I should have done differently: We should have eaten in the dining room, the chairs are softer and the view is better. Why did I let everyone eat in the kitchen? Bad, bad hostess!! Did I talk too much? My social skills are pathetic! Everything I said was stupid! I wanted to know so much more about what his life is like, what he is doing, but I probably interrupted with some inane gibberish about me, me, me. He'd never been to our new house. I forced half a tour on him and then thought that maybe everyone doesn't hunger for mental floor plans the way I do, and perhaps it was rude to march him through the house.
Sometimes I wish it was sufficient just to bark, and wiggle and wag my tail, and jump up on people and lick their face. Then when they petted me on my head and called me a good girl, I could go to my happy place.
Someone once told me that being self-conscious, shy, or self-deprecating is the height of conceit, because your focus is on yourself and not the other person. I don't agree that it is conceit. I think conceit would leave you feeling better, instead of second guessing whether your guests are looking for the first chance they can take to flee. If I'm not well adjusted by now, I don't think it's going to happen.
I also met some old school friends for a few days at the beach in Tybee Island, Georgia. My friend that lives in the Savanna area, also has a house on the island, so she gave us a wonderful tour of the area. Savanna is so visually different from anywhere I have been, that it felt like a visit to a foreign country. I almost got too shy to go, but I'm so glad I was in the mood to break out of my usual isolation. It turned out that only four of us went, but it was perfect because it is easier to become reacquainted with a small group of people in that amount of time.
I liked the feeling of being with people you have some background with. I want to do it again.
