In The Rain

When I feel this bad, I want to be near the trees. I know it is raining. It feels cool and wet and makes my dress stick to my skin. I don't think I have shoes on, just a dress. Walking into the tall weeds of an unmown field, my hands are out above my sides, grazing the tops of the plants. I lie down. No one can see me here. Insects are welcome to join the weeds and rain upon my skin. I am the same as them. The word, WHY, is growing silent now. The anguish is being replaced by calm. I want to sleep here. I reach up with one hand and run it over the wet plants. There are flowers in here. I didn't notice them before. The rain continues to fall, replacing the tears that have stopped. I want to sleep here. Now from my mouth, the words directed toward the sky, "No! No! No! No..." Fading into an ache in my chest and stomach. It can't be true, but, No.. it is. IT IS

I roll over on the ground. The crying begins again and I cover my face with the plants. I want to be near the trees. I stand up and walk slowly to the pine trees. The pine trees, my babies, I put you in the ground when you were the size of my hand. I want to feel your trunks with my hands, your wet needles with my face. You are so beautiful. I fall to my knees and lie down under the branches that come close to the ground. The world will never be the same, now. How many times have others felt this. Millions I guess. It is unbearable, but it has to be born; God, no other choice is given. I am only strong enough to stay on the ground in the rain. To leave, to leave is calling me, the liquid will mix with the rain and I will go to sleep. It would take strength I don't have to make the opening. And I can't leave you alone. I'm useless, covered with dirt leaves rain mud crying crying No no it can't be true. But it is. IT IS! Again I rise upon the wave of the reality of the horror, in a while it recedes and I am numb again. Thank God for the receding pain.
I want to lie in the field below the weeds in the cool rain. I want to sleep here.