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Saturday, November 26, 2005

Please Pass the Guilt, I Mean Gravy

Disclaimer:
I usually prepare a store-bought turkey breast for this puzzling holiday. Giving thanks for the bullets dodged, happy memories of the year, and a chance to spend a day with relatives or friends, is usually how I see the celebration. But, as an Anglo* who is a Native-American Sympathizer, I don't like what happened to the indigenous peoples after that meal they kindly provided for the strange interlopers on their shores. Even though none of us existed during the extermination of the "Indians", or when people owned African slaves, many of us carry around a kernel of "White Guilt". Lots of us are really sorry about it, even though we had nothing to do with it. *(Several years after I wrote this, my father had his DNA tested before he died. His Mitochondrial (mother's line) DNA is Native American (first wave). Blew our minds!)
Disclaimer Over.

I hope the big flock of wild turkeys who spent Spring and Summer on our land survived. They disappeared near the end of the summer and I've had a bad feeling about it, there are just so many hunters around here. I will be happy if all of them show up next year and have hundreds of chicks.

I called my first son (AP)Chimera to invite him and his wife over for the day. After many unanswered calls, Chimera's wife called to say they had other plans. I'm starting to doubt I'll ever meet his wife. I asked if Chimera was there and she said he was, but he was afraid to talk to me or his step-father. I said, that's silly, he's such a scared [(scarred)] little boy, put him on the phone, if he'll talk to me.
His paranoia is a long term thing, but his excuse for it this time was the "smash & grab" visit he paid me a week before. He thought his step-dad would be pissed off that he had hit me up for money. Chimera, we already know your ways and just say, "That's just who he is now". I still don't understand him though.

My husband has helped him so many times. He got him a construction job on a big project he had going in Kentucky one year when Chimera was off heroin. He even drove all night to get to Kentucky when Chimera called in the middle of the night to say that the drunk guys he had been hanging out with were going to beat the crap out of him because they had sent him out to get some marijuana, and he had failed to find any. He was hiding and need protection.
So seeing my husband as "the bad guy" is ridiculous. He won't hesitate to tell you when you have been behaving like a Jackass, but sometimes you need to hear the truth.

I am a cynical, "well" of second chances to get it right, please, no next time, please get it right. That is tricky when you also don't want to be an addict's enabler. An addict can smile and lie into your loving eyes to get what he wants.

He says they are planning to move to Denver because they have a really good Methadone clinic there. HUH!? I thought the idea was to get off drugs, not travel around, and get hooked up with another clinic. (He's been in de-tox, before, in Denver. That is another long story. He had just gotten out of the Air Force...)

So when he came over a week ago, I emptied some people food and cat food, toilet paper, etc., out of our pantry for him to take home. I met him at the gas station, put gas in his "newer-than-anything-we-own" SUV, bought 2 cartons of cigarettes, and gave him $40.00 cash. I know he wanted more money, but sorry, we'd hit my limit of generosity (being a fool for anyone who says they need food). The fact that he was dressed impeccably like a Wall Street executive, sporting a diamond ear ring that was at least 1 CT, made the "I'm unemployed and really need some money" story seem absurd. Knowing him, he wouldn't be caught dead with a CZ in his ear. (His father's sister charged a Rolex watch to her mother's charge card... all the kids used her charge cards, but JP and I certainly didn't have one when we were married.)

I hope their financial situation improves. They have both been through too many rough times.

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