Kryptonite

Years ago, when I drove back and forth to the mental hospital every evening to see Savant, a song by a new band, 3 Doors Down, would play on the radio. Kryptonite. It made me cry and it still can. Savant had always loved comics, so had my brother and my other son. All three of them joyously sported towel-capes in their youth. I had always associated Superman with them. And now Savant had gone crazy. My heart was broken. I prayed he was still in there somewhere, waiting for someone to find him and bring him back. No matter what, I would always be by his side, even though I had never felt so weak. It would take super-human strength to survive this horrible thing, for him and for me. It crushed me.

When I was young I had taken psychedelics a few times, one freakishly bad trip was all it took to put an end to that, so I had some idea of the places insanity may take someone. I remember how slowly time passed and how severe my fear was. I could not bear the thought that he was stuck in a similar place with a life sentence to spend there. No way to come down. The thought of it was agony to me. I would follow him to Hell and drag him out if I could and if I couldn't, I would stay there with him, he would not be abandoned by me. I love him with all my heart.

Dreaming of Horses

When I was four I began to dream of horses. My horse was parked next to our little house in the spot where my father would park the car if he was home. Saddled and bridled, ready to ride but I couldn't make my dream self sit on the saddle. I would hold the reigns and hover above the horse the way Superman would fly through the sky. Then we moved to Japan and I don't remember much about my dreams for a while. I've loved horses my whole life. I wished for a simple life with enough land to own a horse. I never cared about status or wealth, and still haven't achieved either. I also never owned a horse.

When I was in the second grade we moved to Austin, Texas where I learned to ride. God smiled on me and gave me a best friend who had horses at her house. My sister and I could ride together at any one of several stables that rented horses by the hour. They would let us ride unsupervised which we loved. No trail ride with a guide bull shit for us.

When we were little my grandparents put $100 in bank accounts for each of us. We would not get it until we were older, but it would be ours and we could get whatever we wanted. As far as I know, mine was the only one that came with a stipulation: anything but a horse. Why? I still don't understand it. When I was twenty and finally given the cash, I had to spend it on groceries.